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Esther's House - Carney Monthly Support

Esther's House - Carney Monthly Support

Ntcheu, Central Region, Malawi
$0
Amount Raised

Confessions Posted about ago

This won't be pretty.  I am sure I will do a lousy job of explaining, but I have had this pit in the bottom of my stomach...this thing that tends to make the blood rush to my cheeks if I ponder on it too long.  Explaining it is like trying to tell someone what Nsima (a staple in Malawi) taste like who's never had it, the smell of Haiti's air as you try to breathe in deeper thinking it was just a whiff, or the sight of the most massive trash pile, (the city dump) in Guatemala you've ever laid your eyes on, with make shift tarps and cardboard as homes and a side game of soccer as if it's NORMAL.  That's this...this thing growing inside of me.  I am almost ashamed to admit it, for fear of what people will think, but to hold it all in might give the devil the stronghold he needs in my life right about now.  Besides, you can't pray for me specifically if you don't know, right?  

Let me give you a little background if you are new to the Carney's crazy circus!  Get it "Carney's"...lol  Ok, never mind. All I'm saying is we've been on this exact path before.  Selling things, preparing, making arrangements and God closed the door at the eleventh hour.  Here we are again 3+ years later and it's deja vu.  I'm scared.  I'm ecstatic.

As I drove in the driveway today, from a sewing group (which will be a whole other post you WON'T want to miss) and pushed the garage remote my eyes fixed on the back wall. I knew instantly that pit was bound to erupt.  I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.  I can see some of you rolling your eyes.  A good roll, I get it, but nonetheless a roll.  I can't help it.  I'm sensitive! hahaha  I have to make jokes otherwise the tears welling up will blur my vision and I won't be able to finish this messy post.  It wasn't just the wall, it was what was there when I left this morning and not there when I returned.  I can't rewind.  I can't change it...  It was the boys lockers.  I know, ridiculous isn't it.  I promise I will get to the point. 

It's the first BIG thing to leave.  It's just the beginning of many big things to leave and many even BIGGER things to come!  My mind has never been so torn. (I know I am not doing this post justice)  I want to cry.  I want to laugh.  I want to scream.  I want to sing. I want to go into hiding.  I want to shout from the rooftops.  I want to hoard.  I want to ditch.  I want to keep.  I want to give.  I want to lift my hands in worship.   I want to rock in the fetal position.  I WANT TO OBEY AND SURRENDER!  I want to share Christ with those around me because to keep Him all in would be a tragedy.  I want to share Hope where there is none.  I want to LOVE fearlessly.  I want to someday hear the Father say "Well done, my good and faithful daughter." 

I will continue this journey with perseverance and know that Jesus will never leave nor forsake me!  Those are the words I am clinging to in this very moment.  Tomorrow is a new day, and hey (jack) maybe just maybe He will bring treasures unseen and warm my soul! Oh how I love Him!!  But...oh how He loves me more!

 
Esther's House - Carney Monthly Support
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Pure Mission

  • $5,575 Monthly Goal
  • $5,575 Still Needed
  • 147 Lives Impacted
  • 0 Days To Go

Field Partner

Pure Mission 27K
Bentonville, AR, US
Pure Mission exists to bring living transformation through experiential impact.
This Fundraiser has ended and is no longer accepting funding.

Fundraiser Organizer

Jason Carney
Springdale, AR, United States

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Ntcheu, Central Region, Malawi

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Ended - July 31, 2015
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Esther's House - Carney Monthly Support

by Jason Carney 147 Lives Impacted Ntcheu, Central Region, Malawi

Having traveled to Haiti, Honduras, Guatemala, and various places here in the US for mission work, we landed our family in Malawi Africa! G...

$0 Monthly Donations
  • $5,575 Monthly Goal
  • $5,575 Still Needed
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