This has been a really hard week for me. Emotionally, I feel spent. I am tired. I am feeling full of fear and worry. I know that these are just feelings and that they will pass. Soon, I hope. I know they do not reflect the Christ I serve.
I am a Christ-follower. I want to follow Him. But sometimes it is really hard. I want to see what is ahead. I want to have a glimpse of His promises. All these things in my life that I am putting my hope and faith in for Him to complete.
The problem with that is, if I see what is coming then it no longer requires faith or hope. And right now I feel stuck in this spiritual warfare of wanting to quit because this is just too hard and keeping my faith and hope that "this will not return void".
His purposes, His ways, they are higher than mine. I am just like a little child right now; wanting to have a tantrum until I get my way. I want an easy life. I want to be happy. I want everything to be simple. I don't want to work. I don't want my life poured out. I feel empty, only full of tears.
BUT, I know I serve a big God. One who loves me on my days like this when I am too weak to lift myself up. I know He is faithful. He is my Father, the one who will bandage my wounds. Who will kiss away all of my tears.  I am His adopted daughter. Praise God!
I am here, Lord. Waiting on you. Waiting on so many miracles. I want to see you. I want a glimpse of your glory.